Cold but Warm

It is too cold. So cold that you actually feel brain freeze, like you just took a big gulp of slurpee. It's like pins and needles all over your body. It's hard to even crack a smile, your face is too numb. Your hands are too frozen to make a fist, but if you're able to make a fist, it'll stay that way. And your ears? Fuggedaboutit.

What do people in New York do during these months? Especially if you didn't do your homework in the fall and never found a winter-mate. Thus far, my solutions are: Netflix, downloading tunes, ordering from the Szchewan Palace and calling friends back in sunny Cali. *sigh* Luckily this time around, I have my sunny, l.a. buddy here with me. Again, lucky for me but not so lucky for her. Poor gal, we've been had 4 hour days of sun, and 8 hours nights of grim darkness. Let's just say, it's been a lot of Hunan Palace and major q. t. Sure, it wasn't the ideal time to come as far as sightseeing, activities, and more importanly, shopping, however by being snowed in, we got to gab away the way we used to in college during all nighters for finals. Except, this time, there were no books involved. Maybe blizzards aren't always so terrible.

The Yummy 5

1) John Stewart
2) James Spader
3) Clive Owen
4) Jamie Foxx
5) Jason Bateman
honorable mention: Kiefer Sutherland (Jack Bauer, mmm mmm mmm)

Sure enough...

it's all happening. Every song reminds you of him. Every story somehow relates back. His favorite foods are on the menu. His car is everywhere. His smell is at the bars.

Sure enough, everything reminds you of him. Even the furthest stretch. "That'll be $30 miss." "OMG, he's 30!" "Here's you water, miss." "OMG, he drinks water." "Those are some nice jeans, Candy." "OMG, his ______..."

And this is supposed to be the fun part...

I wonder

Usually when I'm sad , it's because someone hurt me. This is new because I feel sad but for the exact opposite reason. He was kind, affectionate and it all felt sincere. I wonder if he questions my sincerity because of our start. I wonder if he doubts what I've expressed. I wonder for how long he'll wonder about me.

I wonder who actually makes these things work, especially if there's a continent between them. It makes me sad to realize the inevitable and recognize this as what it will be, a lovely memory.

Good things

It was good. No, it was great. It was 5 years in 5 days. It was back to high-school and college. It was all those cliches: we get each other, I didn't even have to say, there's something there, instant connection, et al. It was pretty neat...*sigh*

I've missed you...

Oh blog, how I've missed you. I haven't meant to neglect you, I've just been busy... wow, I don't think I've ever uttered that phrase before. It's true, I'm never really that busy and so I thought I'd give it try since, those that are 'always busy' seem to always 'feel good about working out,' be 'advancing in their career,' and are 'keeping their mind off boys/girls.' I came, I saw, I left...it just wasn't for me. The later part of the year was a bit non-stop: to school, to the office and to the restaurant, my quiet time of the day was on the subway. I returned to California, to escape to the dreadful start of winter in New York and for a little r & r. I'ts been nice. Real nice.

At 25, and as a new year begins I've come to know a few things about me. I'm not very involved in....anything. I don't own a gym membership and I'll probably sit this year out too. I don't make more than one plan per night. Sometimes I let who's hosting SNL decide whether or not I'll go out on a Saturday night. I don't fly in on Sunday nights to go back into work on Mondays. 'Running errands' on the weekends usually means looking for some obscure building holding a sample sale. I like watching people do yoga. I watch directors' commentaries. I don't eat lunch at the desk, if I am, I'm surfing through entertainment sites or flipping through W mag.

The past few months were rewarding in a productive way, however, I find satisfaction in being able to write a blog entry. As the new year begins, I'm going to go try and go back to smelling roses, as soon as they bloom in New York.

Numb

First month was saddening. Second month was depressing. Third month was insanity. And now, at the fourth month, I'm numb. Yep, I'm starting to forget how it is. And now I'm wondering if it's changed.