Merry Go Round?
Libidinal follies create chaotic mental traffic in the aftermath. Thoughts honk at each other, crossing paths, no palpable path is in view. Lights flash in efforts to admonish signs of hope. Route taken is retraced to ferret out the erroneous turn. Once located, the awry hook is further blundered by gyratory spins. Final rotations are plenary before succumbing to the need and moreover, desire to embark on a new manifested kismet of a kiss. A kiss that will lead to an all too familiar epicurean quandary of a phrenic cordon orbiting its vicious cycle. Round and round we go...
If we know we're going in circles and are certain of a lack of destination, why do we keep going? The aimless route is a road often traveled. A "for instance" would be good here. In gambling, it is said that it the house wins. Knowing that the game is designed in favor of the house, why do we still play? For "fun"? Is it fun to play a losing battle? As a dog that heedlessly spins around in chase of his tail, do we do the same in life, in love, in goods and bads? Can it be equated to a wayward drive? Is this such our days, our nights?
Monday, July 14, 2003
One Fine Day
I finally went on a long overdue date. We have been seeing each other for quite some time but lately, I’ve been busy (okay, not really) but, the past few times we saw each other was in groups. I figured that we should give it another chance after all, there were some good memories in the past. So, I planned for some one-on-one quality time, I got all dressed, made reservations and headed out. *Smiling* let me tell you, I was glad I did.
His name is San Francisco (he doesn’t like to be called “Frisco,” he’ll forgive out-of-towners but not locals). All metaphors and puns set aside, I had a date with my city. SF is a beautiful place and if you pay attention it is a site of deep humanity, romance, and heart. Yes, I was tempted to title this “I Heart SF” but I did not want to draw a comparison to any other city because San Francisco truly is a city of its own. It has the heart and soul of a blues club in the Mission, the charm of a cute but slightly reticent boy from the Marina, the eclectic fun of a parade in the Castro and the beauty of both its bridges and surrounding waters. The motley of space, greens, culture, set up for all walks of life: families, singles, friends, gays and lovers. Yes, lovers.
The date began with lunch at Golden Gate Park. I picked up a sandwich from Little Lucas – oh, I failed to mention that SF is home to the best dining experience in the world. Where else can you have a 6 course, 5 star, 4 hundred dollar dinner (for two) by chef Gary Danko himself and then head down the road for a foldable slice of heaven at Pizza Orgasmica for $2? (okay, perhaps NYC’s Nobu and Gray’s Papaya may pose a little competition but they’re a long cab ride apart). So, I’m at the park, copping a squat under a tree, eating my rosemary, garlic, dijon chicken sandwich, swigging my iced tea and engaging in of my favorite pastimes, people watching. I do a lot of things alone: watch movies, go shopping even dine out alone but when I eat alone I’m always bringing along a book (alright, magazine) or the paper (okay, the Style Section). This time I wanted to go sans the literature and not have to be armed with some rationale for being alone. It isn’t easy at first. In fact, being with just yourself in public can be uncomfortable. Fortunately, the discomfort was quickly alleviated by the surrounding activity. There was a diverse group of children playing in the park. On one slide there was a diverse group of children trained to each other. Then, on the other side of the park and age spectrum, there was an elderly couple caning around the park, outside hands dragging their canes and inside hands holding on to each other. Since, it was mid-week, mid-day, I figured if I wanted to see people of ages in the middle of that bracket I would have to leave the park. I take a final swill of the tea.
Now, I’m sipping coffee at a sidewalk café near the corner of Haight and Ashbury. This is a fun street. At one glance, you have grunge-like skaters doing tricks then across the street you have girls dropping $300 for a knit top. Then, there’s the elusive holding of hands. I spot a couple crossing the intersection and I’m wondering if they’ll make it across safely because they’re so preoccupied with each other. Typically, I make a child-like, jealous-filled gag reflex at these sightings, especially when the only thing my hand is holding is that of Mr. Marlboro. But I don’t. It is rare to see a couple walking together actually walking together. They were talking, laughing and she even did the hair-flip.
Now, it’s almost dinner time. I abandon my reservations, the Little Lucas (trust me ain’t nothing “Little” about this sandwich) had me still full. Also, full from all that the city had to offer, I decide to call it a day- you should always know when to end a good date. Obvious to state, it was one fine day.
I finally went on a long overdue date. We have been seeing each other for quite some time but lately, I’ve been busy (okay, not really) but, the past few times we saw each other was in groups. I figured that we should give it another chance after all, there were some good memories in the past. So, I planned for some one-on-one quality time, I got all dressed, made reservations and headed out. *Smiling* let me tell you, I was glad I did.
His name is San Francisco (he doesn’t like to be called “Frisco,” he’ll forgive out-of-towners but not locals). All metaphors and puns set aside, I had a date with my city. SF is a beautiful place and if you pay attention it is a site of deep humanity, romance, and heart. Yes, I was tempted to title this “I Heart SF” but I did not want to draw a comparison to any other city because San Francisco truly is a city of its own. It has the heart and soul of a blues club in the Mission, the charm of a cute but slightly reticent boy from the Marina, the eclectic fun of a parade in the Castro and the beauty of both its bridges and surrounding waters. The motley of space, greens, culture, set up for all walks of life: families, singles, friends, gays and lovers. Yes, lovers.
The date began with lunch at Golden Gate Park. I picked up a sandwich from Little Lucas – oh, I failed to mention that SF is home to the best dining experience in the world. Where else can you have a 6 course, 5 star, 4 hundred dollar dinner (for two) by chef Gary Danko himself and then head down the road for a foldable slice of heaven at Pizza Orgasmica for $2? (okay, perhaps NYC’s Nobu and Gray’s Papaya may pose a little competition but they’re a long cab ride apart). So, I’m at the park, copping a squat under a tree, eating my rosemary, garlic, dijon chicken sandwich, swigging my iced tea and engaging in of my favorite pastimes, people watching. I do a lot of things alone: watch movies, go shopping even dine out alone but when I eat alone I’m always bringing along a book (alright, magazine) or the paper (okay, the Style Section). This time I wanted to go sans the literature and not have to be armed with some rationale for being alone. It isn’t easy at first. In fact, being with just yourself in public can be uncomfortable. Fortunately, the discomfort was quickly alleviated by the surrounding activity. There was a diverse group of children playing in the park. On one slide there was a diverse group of children trained to each other. Then, on the other side of the park and age spectrum, there was an elderly couple caning around the park, outside hands dragging their canes and inside hands holding on to each other. Since, it was mid-week, mid-day, I figured if I wanted to see people of ages in the middle of that bracket I would have to leave the park. I take a final swill of the tea.
Now, I’m sipping coffee at a sidewalk café near the corner of Haight and Ashbury. This is a fun street. At one glance, you have grunge-like skaters doing tricks then across the street you have girls dropping $300 for a knit top. Then, there’s the elusive holding of hands. I spot a couple crossing the intersection and I’m wondering if they’ll make it across safely because they’re so preoccupied with each other. Typically, I make a child-like, jealous-filled gag reflex at these sightings, especially when the only thing my hand is holding is that of Mr. Marlboro. But I don’t. It is rare to see a couple walking together actually walking together. They were talking, laughing and she even did the hair-flip.
Now, it’s almost dinner time. I abandon my reservations, the Little Lucas (trust me ain’t nothing “Little” about this sandwich) had me still full. Also, full from all that the city had to offer, I decide to call it a day- you should always know when to end a good date. Obvious to state, it was one fine day.
Sunday, July 13, 2003
Sound Asleep
My mom is sleeping on my couch. Full from the heavy dinner and buzzed from the light cocktails, she is out ladies and gentlemen. It’s confirmed I do get my lack of tolerance from my mother. She had a Pina Colada, and really only ate the whip cream before she turned red and fell asleep in the car during a 15 minute drive home. I had to bribe her with a Will Smith, Martin Lawrence duo to entice her upstairs and from falling into deep slumber in my car. I said, “Mom, I got the Bad Boys DVD.” I have no idea how a conservative, first generation Asian woman came to love black comedy but the woman cannot get enough of the brothers and the Kings (pronounced Kangs, she corrects me). It worked, she came up. Then, she resumed her sleeping position, feet curled and body balled.
Her irregular snoring pattern is what I have been listening to for the past hour on this warm Saturday night. It is half past midnight and it must be 80 degrees out. It would have been a perfect night to have spent out in the city- stroll around North Beach, bar hop in the Mission or the grab a cocktail and a slice a pizza, at Pizza Orgasmica- yum, in the Marina. But nope, I’m listening to momma Jun saw wood (Jun- she finally decided to take my stepdad’s last name; I’m glad I didn’t take after her stubbornness).
I wonder how many countless nights she stayed up to tend to my cries, whines, tantrums, or just to listen to me snore. I don’t think I have ever seen my mom sleep. I want to say that she looks so peaceful and pretty in her sleep but she mostly looks disfigured and sounds wheezy. But that’s what must be love…to hear and see undesired sounds and sights and still want to cover them with a blanket.
My mom is sleeping on my couch. Full from the heavy dinner and buzzed from the light cocktails, she is out ladies and gentlemen. It’s confirmed I do get my lack of tolerance from my mother. She had a Pina Colada, and really only ate the whip cream before she turned red and fell asleep in the car during a 15 minute drive home. I had to bribe her with a Will Smith, Martin Lawrence duo to entice her upstairs and from falling into deep slumber in my car. I said, “Mom, I got the Bad Boys DVD.” I have no idea how a conservative, first generation Asian woman came to love black comedy but the woman cannot get enough of the brothers and the Kings (pronounced Kangs, she corrects me). It worked, she came up. Then, she resumed her sleeping position, feet curled and body balled.
Her irregular snoring pattern is what I have been listening to for the past hour on this warm Saturday night. It is half past midnight and it must be 80 degrees out. It would have been a perfect night to have spent out in the city- stroll around North Beach, bar hop in the Mission or the grab a cocktail and a slice a pizza, at Pizza Orgasmica- yum, in the Marina. But nope, I’m listening to momma Jun saw wood (Jun- she finally decided to take my stepdad’s last name; I’m glad I didn’t take after her stubbornness).
I wonder how many countless nights she stayed up to tend to my cries, whines, tantrums, or just to listen to me snore. I don’t think I have ever seen my mom sleep. I want to say that she looks so peaceful and pretty in her sleep but she mostly looks disfigured and sounds wheezy. But that’s what must be love…to hear and see undesired sounds and sights and still want to cover them with a blanket.
Thursday, July 10, 2003
The Mens' Rules
Amusing… and enlightening.
> RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE
>
> We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now
> here are the rules from the male side. Please note:
> these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
>
> # 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big
> girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you
> need it down. You don't hear us complaining about
> you leaving it down.
>
> # 1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live
> with it.
>
> # 1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the
> changing of the tides. Let it be.
>
> # 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never
> going to think of it that way.
>
> # 1. Crying is blackmail.
>
> # 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this
> one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not
> work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! We'll
> get it for you, but just LET US KNOW WHAT YOU
> WANT!!!
>
> # 1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and
> anniversaries on the calendar. Remind us frequently
> beforehand.
>
> # 1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes
> you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair,
> out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
>
> # 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
> almost every question. Please pick one.
>
> # 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
> solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your
> girlfriends are for.
>
> # 1. A headache that lasts for seventeen months is a
> problem. See a doctor.
>
> # 1. Let us know about that funny noise in your car
> engine as soon as you hear it.
>
> # 1. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible
> in an argument. In fact, all comments become null
> and void after 7 days.
>
> # 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
> girls, don't expect us act like soap opera guys.
>
> # 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
> Don't ask us. We refuse to answer, but still love
> you.
>
> # 1. If something we said can be interpreted two
> ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we
> meant the other one.
>
> # 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have
> to say during commercials.
>
> # 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions,
> and neither do we.
>
> # 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows
> default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit,
> not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no
> idea what Mauve is.
>
> # 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
>
> # 1. We are not mind readers and we never will be.
> Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how
> little we care about you.
>
> #1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
> we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are
> lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
>
> # 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer
> to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
>
> # 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely
> anything you wear is fine. Really, you look fine!!!
>
> # 1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to
> take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which
> quiz.
>
> # 1. NASCAR is as exciting for us as handbags are
> for you.
>
> # 1. I AM in shape. ROUND is a shape.
>
> # 1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have
> to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we
> really don't mind that, it's like campin'.
Amusing… and enlightening.
> RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE
>
> We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now
> here are the rules from the male side. Please note:
> these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
>
> # 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big
> girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you
> need it down. You don't hear us complaining about
> you leaving it down.
>
> # 1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live
> with it.
>
> # 1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the
> changing of the tides. Let it be.
>
> # 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never
> going to think of it that way.
>
> # 1. Crying is blackmail.
>
> # 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this
> one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not
> work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! We'll
> get it for you, but just LET US KNOW WHAT YOU
> WANT!!!
>
> # 1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and
> anniversaries on the calendar. Remind us frequently
> beforehand.
>
> # 1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes
> you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair,
> out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
>
> # 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
> almost every question. Please pick one.
>
> # 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
> solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your
> girlfriends are for.
>
> # 1. A headache that lasts for seventeen months is a
> problem. See a doctor.
>
> # 1. Let us know about that funny noise in your car
> engine as soon as you hear it.
>
> # 1. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible
> in an argument. In fact, all comments become null
> and void after 7 days.
>
> # 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
> girls, don't expect us act like soap opera guys.
>
> # 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
> Don't ask us. We refuse to answer, but still love
> you.
>
> # 1. If something we said can be interpreted two
> ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we
> meant the other one.
>
> # 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have
> to say during commercials.
>
> # 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions,
> and neither do we.
>
> # 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows
> default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit,
> not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no
> idea what Mauve is.
>
> # 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
>
> # 1. We are not mind readers and we never will be.
> Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how
> little we care about you.
>
> #1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
> we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are
> lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
>
> # 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer
> to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
>
> # 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely
> anything you wear is fine. Really, you look fine!!!
>
> # 1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to
> take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which
> quiz.
>
> # 1. NASCAR is as exciting for us as handbags are
> for you.
>
> # 1. I AM in shape. ROUND is a shape.
>
> # 1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have
> to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we
> really don't mind that, it's like campin'.
Thursday, July 03, 2003
Home Bitter Home
Okay, officially sad. My apartment has been rented. Very improbable (and sad) coincidence- I was down in my leasing office to pay rent and, as I was walking through, the leasing agent tells this newlywed couple that apt. #7213 will be vacant as of August 2 :(
2 years, this place has provided me with shelter, a place to store shoes, handbags and offered me a haven away from anyone and everything when I just needed to be with me. Now, I will wake up to my parents amplified alarm, live off my their vegetarian diet and sleep in 104 degree Walnut Creek heat. Oh, did I mention no smoking?!? If you need to contact me, I can be reached at the Gin Sook and Yong Soo Rehabilitation Clinic. I will be checking in for 30 days before I leave for the Big Sa-gwa* to negate all my parents' disciplinary work.
*Korean- apple
Okay, officially sad. My apartment has been rented. Very improbable (and sad) coincidence- I was down in my leasing office to pay rent and, as I was walking through, the leasing agent tells this newlywed couple that apt. #7213 will be vacant as of August 2 :(
2 years, this place has provided me with shelter, a place to store shoes, handbags and offered me a haven away from anyone and everything when I just needed to be with me. Now, I will wake up to my parents amplified alarm, live off my their vegetarian diet and sleep in 104 degree Walnut Creek heat. Oh, did I mention no smoking?!? If you need to contact me, I can be reached at the Gin Sook and Yong Soo Rehabilitation Clinic. I will be checking in for 30 days before I leave for the Big Sa-gwa* to negate all my parents' disciplinary work.
*Korean- apple
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