The Mens' Rules

Amusing… and enlightening.

> RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE
>
> We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now
> here are the rules from the male side. Please note:
> these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
>
> # 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big
> girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you
> need it down. You don't hear us complaining about
> you leaving it down.
>
> # 1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live
> with it.
>
> # 1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the
> changing of the tides. Let it be.
>
> # 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never
> going to think of it that way.
>
> # 1. Crying is blackmail.
>
> # 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this
> one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not
> work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! We'll
> get it for you, but just LET US KNOW WHAT YOU
> WANT!!!
>
> # 1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and
> anniversaries on the calendar. Remind us frequently
> beforehand.
>
> # 1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes
> you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair,
> out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
>
> # 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
> almost every question. Please pick one.
>
> # 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
> solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your
> girlfriends are for.
>
> # 1. A headache that lasts for seventeen months is a
> problem. See a doctor.
>
> # 1. Let us know about that funny noise in your car
> engine as soon as you hear it.
>
> # 1. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible
> in an argument. In fact, all comments become null
> and void after 7 days.
>
> # 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
> girls, don't expect us act like soap opera guys.
>
> # 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
> Don't ask us. We refuse to answer, but still love
> you.
>
> # 1. If something we said can be interpreted two
> ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we
> meant the other one.
>
> # 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have
> to say during commercials.
>
> # 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions,
> and neither do we.
>
> # 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows
> default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit,
> not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no
> idea what Mauve is.
>
> # 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
>
> # 1. We are not mind readers and we never will be.
> Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how
> little we care about you.
>
> #1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
> we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are
> lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
>
> # 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer
> to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
>
> # 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely
> anything you wear is fine. Really, you look fine!!!
>
> # 1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to
> take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which
> quiz.
>
> # 1. NASCAR is as exciting for us as handbags are
> for you.
>
> # 1. I AM in shape. ROUND is a shape.
>
> # 1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have
> to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we
> really don't mind that, it's like campin'.