Friday, February 27, 2004


I realized that whenever I have liked someone, I can't remember what they look like. I have a vague impression but the face is not clear. Why is that?

Thursday, February 26, 2004

Spun Out

I have a thing for D.J.'s. So many nights out I’ve spent looking over the turntables rather than the accessible, available men on the other side of the tracks. Something about them so focused while they’re spinning, something about their oversized headphones, something about their elusiveness from the rest of the bar/club, something about their non-verbal occupation all fuels this mysterious quality. In addition, they’re occupied so you can’t bother them while they’re working, or can you?

Tonight, I found my answer. You can. Out at a bar with some friends, standing near the D.J. booth, he asks if he should play White Stripes or Jane’s Addiction. “Seven Nation Army,” I yelled. Soon, a conversation ignited. And well, idealization turned into realization. I realized that my long-time predilection was better left in my head. I’m bummed. Now, if the night is bust I can’t even have an in-head flirtation. I need to revive my imaginary friend.
Winter is in the air

It’s starting to get warmer and by that I mean red alert blizzard days have simmered but it’s still layering, gloving, scarfing season…and who knows how long it will last.

All winter long I bitched to new friends about the cold like a true New York winter neophyte. It kept me in on some weekends. It made me ruin Via Spigas. It made me enter the Chinese Delivery number on speed dial 3 (after Taco King). It made me spend $12 on coat check at clubs (next winter I’m safety pinning all items together, “Look, miss coat-checker, I know it’s a funny looking jacket”). It made me memorize all the lines to Sex and the City…okay, so I would have done it even in the spring. Now, that spring is looming, it made me appreciate my first New York winter. So, as soon as it ends I can start to be grateful, any day now...

Monday, February 23, 2004

Today is the Sad Day

What will we miss more? The pee-in-your-pants (or in the shower on a politician) humor, the witty banter racketing to and fro, the relatable conversations at the Coffee Shop, the cutting edge fashion (this is an entry deserving of its own), or all its humanity of love, heartbreak, one-offs, or two lives finally shared all delivered through four fabulous women?

Much more needs to be discussed but it's a little hard to type with the keyboard swimming in tears. It's getting hard to breathe...

Until full recovery, I beg that not one more person say to me that it's "the end of an era," I know it is, just don't say it to me. Denial is the place I'd like to be until the season 6 is released in DVD. Okay, my laptop is starting to float...

On a brighter note, I am ecstatic about being able to post images onto my blog! So, I thought what photo would be deserving of being posted as the first of many to come than my 4 best onscreen friends. All was made possible by tech-savvy 'Clavie,' thanks girl.

Final exit from the Coffee Shop.

John?!? Who would have thought? We all know several John's but this one...this one is no John Doe.

Sunday, February 22, 2004

Partying on a Playground

Okay, so I lied. No one can be that good of a kisser. I suppose it is what’s in the kiss. A little thing called the zsa zsa zsu, the butterflies, the zing, the chill factor.

The chilling butterflies are still zinging zsa zsa zsu and I don’t even know how or why.

I saw ‘the kiss’ over the weekend at a very special event with no special kiss. With number of friends reduced to a minimum here in NY, I was fortunate enough to have two very special people plan a surprise to ring in the official mark of a new age bracket. Solidly, I am in the mid-twenties. The pros? *scratch forehead* The cons? Meeting others my age steadfast in a career, gradually being invited to weddings, feeling silly shopping at a store called Forever 21 and well, not being 21. Moreover, feeling inane about feeling this way about a boy.

With 'the kiss,' that night was about being single and trying to mingle- sometimes I think the rhymes help. Checking in on him from time to time yet, being elusive it was reminiscent of juvenile games of tag with boys I crushed on in elementary. I am a 25 year old flirting with boys on the playground.

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

Subway, my way

Is it a practice only in my mother’s homeland to get up and offer your seat to elders? In Korea, a healthy, relatively young individual would be scornfully looked upon for remaining in their seat in the presence of a standing senior.

Having been in NY for half a year now, I am quite familiar with my primary mode of transportation, the subway, a.k.a. the Metro. I am a regular and I would assume many are. Yet, of the many, most are not either not aware of their surroundings or are indifferent to what surrounds them. I often find myself getting up and out of my spot on the bench for an elder, which I am more than fine with, however it shall be noted that there are several healthy men around me that remain seated. New York men…what a surprise.

Sunday, February 15, 2004

Small Hearts in the Big Apple

The attitude on dating, sex and relationships is a common one in New York- the first two are acceptable, the latter is not. At least this is the belief of most singles in New York. I am not casting doubt on the favored sentiment of a single, free life. Inarguably, there are benefits that cannot be gained if “with other.” One major sacrifice is sacrifice. One must forego their favorite bad music, watch Sex and the City with abrupt channel changes to ESPN, and get used to the idea that a toilet seat no longer has a cover.

So yes, there are losses when “with other” but are there also gains? Sure, otherwise why would people do it...right? Yet, the once-desired security, stability and settlement are being replaced by the sought of freedom, “friendship” and…well, sometimes the other f. This is what most toasted to on Valentine’s Day. I had my first Valentine’s in NYC and it was an interesting experience, to say the least. Many sneered it as a day of contrived romance and others scoffed at the ones that succumbed to Hallmark’s propaganda. I was a part of this group. It was not necessarily out of bitterness but because red roses aren’t my fave and I can eat fine chocolates any day of the year.

So then, in today’s time, is it simply cool to be anti-relationship? The single movement has taken such a toll that it has surpassed a state of trend and now is a state of mind; this is definitely the case for the city of New York. The non-committal and frivolous behavior was present and accounted for on this red and pink day. Inhibitions lowered as more approached the anonymous, smiles flashed across the parallel lines at men’s and women’s restrooms, and even the elusive offer of a drink was extended. These practices are easier than getting that reservation at Nobu, hunting down shriveled roses at the last minute and buying chocolates at the cost of a round of drinks for all your friends.
In this regard, it is easier to be single. Independence comes naturally, it is co-dependence that is a challenge, a challenge that most are not up for. Good, bad? Progressive, regressive? "Hmmm..."

Saturday, February 07, 2004

Can’t have it all

Okay, I realize what I'm about to say makes me a bit of a freak but I must pose the question. What’s the point of having a great kiss if that’s all there is? I know, I know, how dare I think that the physical element be combined with…oh I don’t know emotional, mental stuff.

Okay, the kiss...there was something about it. Something about it was so familiar, comfortable and well, irresistible. It usually takes me a while to learn a new kiss but this...this was effortless. And now here comes the cream pie. Although, it's not what you think. The kiss is still good, real good. Yet, it is what precedes it and follows it that is not equitable. I'm starting to get the whole "with emotion" thing. You can have a great kisser and nothing else or you can have a bad kisser and if everything else is there, you'll actually want to learn a new kiss.

So, I guess the physical stuff loses. The other crap wins. This is even harder.

Monday, February 02, 2004

It’s in his kiss

Can the order proceed as such: kiss then, attraction? I find myself in unfamiliar territory for whenever physical intimacy occurs, it is usually anticipated and/or predicted (willingly or not).

Take the kiss, for example, when that hopeful lean is taken and eyes shut and lips finally meet, there were signs leading up to it. If it was anticipated, the exhilaration engulfs your entire being. If it was not wished for, well, it’s just bad.

But, what if you’re caught off guard? Completely not expecting it. Not because there was no attraction but because there were no indicative signs leading up to it such as, spending the entire night bickering and bantering about nothing and everything. Then, suddenly, a kiss from nowhere and you’re stuck in a moment of puzzlement? Only to piece together that whatever it was, it kind of shook you to your core. Then, the moment clarifies into a moment of where did that come from, and when will it come again?