Friday, May 05, 2006

at least

Average, by definition, is not the best, not the worst. It's in the middle. But by perception, it's not good. We didn't jump for a 'C' in school...for the most part.

Something needs to give. If I'm not going to make lots of money at least let me be doing something more radical. At least let me live with four others in a loft in Williamsburg and splash paint on a canvas or write spoken word lyrics. I won't have much in the bank but at least I'm cool. OR, give me the long hours, an ugly Tumi tote and no time to spend the bi-annual bonuses on vacations. I won't get to go to St. Lucia, but I'll retire in a bungalow there in 20 years.

My classmates went on to practice law, merge and aquire things, or further split the atom. Like Cal, NYU also sprang lots of promising prospects. They went on to make a scene off 42nd, trade on Wall Street or roam ER halls. Both were aggressive, rigorous schools that trained students to do one thing once they stepped out into the world. Compete.

I must have missed that class(es). Rather, I'm smack dab in the middle. I have a job. It's a place to clock in and clock the fuck out. It pays the bills but no bills from any retail off 5th Ave. So, something needs to give. Be poorer but be filled with passion or, have no life but watch your 401k get fat.

This is also true of where I live. If I'm going to live in the upper east side at least give me a door between my bed and kitchen table. Or, sacrifice space and live in the Village. Something needs to give.

I know I know, at least I have work, a roof and my health. I suppose. But, I'm waiting for a Ron Livingston a la Office Space kind of epiphany. Until then, I sit in my shoebox studio watching free movies on TBS.