Thursday, January 12, 2006

for the fellas

You'd be surprised what the deal breakers are on a date for women...and how many there are. Seldom done but here are some tips for the fellas. We have Sex and the City, weekend brunches, two hour phone calls, so I'm just trying to balance the universe, align Mars and Venus.

Do not split the bill on the first date. Dutch is such a turn off, might as well tell her that you used to go to that restaurant with your ex-gf. If you must, pay for dinner then let her get drinks or dessert after. (I'm sure this is bonus points for her if she does). I don't care how independent or self-sufficient she appears, we all like chivalry.

Start off the evening with a compliment. She spent a good deal of time picking out that outfit and she used primer, body oil and tweezed, tweezed, tweezed.

See her get in the cab first. If you get into a cab first and she sees you off, I guarantee that she's hailing a cab with one hand and reaching for her phone with the other so that she can call a girlfriend and tell her that she just had another fal (first and last) date.

Emily Post propers no longer prevail but some stood the test of time. Of the past: getting up from the seat when she does. In the present: opening the door for her.

No need to wait a week to call her. In fact, bonus points for calling from the cab right after the date if you two had a good time. True, waiting to call a girl who's not that into you can cause her to think about you...she wonders why you're not calling and then once you do, she stops thinking about you so all you've done is counted 6 days for nothing. In another words, if she likes you, calling anytime is fine. If she doesn't, then playing games will maybe string her along for a couple dates but that usually isn't enough to 'get some' anyway so what's the point?

Tuck her inside the sidewalk. It all gets taken into account.

Reminder of a scarf or gloves during colder months as you walk out the door, well done.

Pay attention for anything new/different, bag, jacket, manicure, and the ever-so-important, new hair style.

Confidence. Obvious? Yes but hard to do. If someone catches your eye, go up to her directly, don't have your buddy, 'the bait', go up to her. The rule of pussy: either be one or get some.

Confidence, incidentally, can make all that you do appear sexy. A sense of self is hot. Audaciously state your interests and you've just made cats, gardening, and the color pink hot for men. But draw the line at pink drinks. We don't like for our men to drink pink.

Ask her about her.

Ask following questions about answers that she gave from previous questions. We can tell if you're listening or not.

Want to to get close? Inhale her. Take a deep breath of her from the neck/shoulder/nape area. "What's that you're wearing?" is titilating.

Be generous. It's not about the money, it's about care and courtesy. If you get up to get another drink, ask if she'd like another even if she's on her first and if her friends are there, do the same for them. All of this is noted by her then acknowledged over brunch by her friends.

Avoid phrases like "I'm the type of person." Okay, maybe this is just me, but it's annoying and makes for a weak start of a sentence. The 'type' of person you are can't be put into a sentence, 'type' is an overall sense. That phrase during the first few dates is the ultimate commonplace for conversation starters. Yawn.

Put the moves on by the third night. No later. After that, we start to realize that we should have known better than to go out with a guy who needed to send his 'bar buddy.' Also, in this city, don't let us wonder if you drink pink. A stand up kiss on the first date, nice.

Recently, I've been asked by friendboys, "how do you know when a girl is into you?" It's palpable. Contrary to popular notion, I think when it comes to dating, it's women who are the assholes. I've seen guys oblige themselves to dates and calls for a short while because they didn't have the heart (more like the balls) to turn them down. Women, on the other hand, make shit up really quickly, "Oh, I'd love to but I'm about to make something up really good, and convincing so that you believe me and I mislead you because that's what assholes do."

It's okay to let assholes walk along the edge of the sidewalk.