On/Off
A guy shared a “Top Ten List” with me. No, not David Letterman- I wish…I know, I know it’s gross to have a crush on a balding man with a gap between his two front teeth, I can’t help it, he just does it for me*yum*
It was a list of turn offs by a girl. Here is some that made it on the list:
1) stupidity
2) poor hygiene
3) lack of humor- really? Do guys say to their friends, “Dude, I met this hot chick at the club last night but she wasn't funny."
The remainder on the list fairly continues to state the obvious: selfishness, arrogance, etc.
Leveling the playing field with innocuous retaliation, I have concocted lists of my own.
Top 5 Turn Offs by a Guy:
1) Picky Eaters- Perhaps, it’s because I’m not a finicky eater thus, I feel like an oaf when I attempt to clean off their plate so, it’s really nice when a guy isn’t selective about food.
2) Better Style- I wouldn’t want a fella to suggest to me which accessories go with which handbag. Why? Just because.
3) “Sweetie”- I used to know a guy who always addressed me “sweetie” Ughhh! Something about “sweetie” rubs me in a not so sweet way. It’s a term of affection used by friends, relatives,your local baker, drycleaner, cashiers…too universal, too many non-romantic, non-sexual associations (and you wouldn’t want that now would you?). Personally, I could do without any term of endearment.
4) Female Best Friends- Call me narrow-minded but I do not get it. It’s much hotter to think of a guy out with his friends shooting hoops, drinking beer, swearing, spitting, what have you, versus imagining him out with his girl best friend, helping her shop. What happened to good old fashion testosterone?
5) Tired and Expired Swingers Rule- waiting to call; stretching the time as far as the elasticity of a wait period can extend is not only transparent but, ironically negates the attempted effect. The whole idea behind waiting to call is to appear aloof, to play that elusive figure that isn’t thinking too much about you. When a guy calls more than 5 days later, he’s been thinking too much about the call. Yes, there is such a thing as calling too early, try not to drunk dial him/her the night of encounter.
Top 5 Turn Ons by a Guy:
1) Sidewalk Tuck- simple yet, so effectively sweet and comforting when a guy tucks you to the inner part of the sidewalk and puts himself on the street side.
2) Forehead Kisses- need I say more?
3) Smell of fresh laundry + light cologne + lighter sweat (wouldn’t want him to smell better than me). Preference: Downy April Fresh/Snuggles. Complimented by: Hugo Boss, Issey Miyake, Pleasures for Men, Gio by Armani, Dolce & Gabbana, Curve by Clairborne, or Davidoff’s Cool Water (don’t laugh, it’s a classic).
4) Scars, mended Bones- any sign of physical activity. Even stained nails from the grease of their car, or dry hands from fiddling with nature
5) Hats- love ‘em all. Baseball caps, beanies, newsboys, the only undesirable would be the bucket hat, they're cuter on girls.
Comprehensive “On/Off” List by Candice Me Young Chung.
Just bored…
Top 5 Designers of:
Shoes:
1) Christian Loboutin
2) Jimmy Choo
3) Sergio Rossi
4) Pumas tied w/ Hogans
5) Manolo Blahnik
* Breakthrough honorable:
Collaboration of Marc Jacobs
and Louis Vuitton
Handbags:
1) Fendi- "duh"
2) Gucci
3) Prada/ Miu Miu
4) Tod's/Hermes (Birkin)- It would be violation of Purse Law to not add them
5) Chanel
* Breakthrough: LuLu Guinness
Dresses:
1) Valentino
2) Diane Von Furstenburg
3) Yves Saint Laurent
4) Emanuel Ungaro
5) Anna Molinari
* Breakthrough: Luca Luca
Reminder: Birthday- March 5.
